Some conversations stay with you even after they’re over. The other day a friend told me something about a guy she’s been dating. She said, “I really want our relationship to work out, but there’s just one thing – he isn’t good with money.” He doesn’t have a problem earning money, it’s just the keeping it that’s the problem.
So, what’s a girl to do?
My Take
I’m not a relationship expert. But one thing I know for sure is you can’t change anyone. Real change has to start within.
Naturally, we are all creatures of habit. And we’re often a product of our environments. So more than likely he’s only doing what he knows how to do.
And for this reason, I think it may be helpful for my friend to have an honest conversation with her man about his goals in life. When it comes to the financial goals, they could discuss this topic more. Through their conversation, she could discover whether he thinks there’s a problem with his finances. How does he plan to reach his goals?
Being able to have an open conversation about money is a great way to dig a little deeper and understand your mate more. If she’s not on the same page and he doesn’t see an issue with his spending habits, then this could be a big red flag. And it’s better to know this now than later.
Sadly, I’ve learned that you can only help someone who wants to be helped.
If that person realizes there’s a problem and wants to change the situation – that’s great! You may be able to work together on a solution. Perhaps it’s as simple as helping him/her to set up a budget and eliminate unnecessary expenses. My friend and I discussed other ways to help him improve his finances like taking a personal finance course, going to a financial seminar or reading personal finance resources (e.g. books, blogs, magazines). They could do these things together and be each other’s accountability partner.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
In closing, there’s hope! I know couples who have overcome this stumbling block together, and it has made their relationships even stronger. They were just willing to have an honest conversation about money and committed to making changes to reach their goals.
